Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Posts tagged ‘travel’

Hit The Road, Jack!

As promised here are some things that I have learned from the many family trips we have taken. Maybe you will find a little tidbit useful to incorporate in your upcoming family travels.

– Save ahead of time for the trip. It is great to have money that you have already put aside for vacation. We stash a little bit here and there every year so that by the time vacation rolls around we have what we need to do what we want to do. It would to have sucked to have traveled to Galveston, but not have had the funds to play on the pier. Even if you don’t have a lot of money for travel you can take a road trip closer to home. You don’t have to travel 4500 miles to reconnect with your family and get time away.

– Planning ahead is best. Some of the biggest arguments husband and I have had on vacation have been over which hotel to stay at. I just want a clean bed and shower he wants it to be the cheapest bed in town (clean or not). I say, come to an agreement on where to stay before you leave and book the rooms early. There is nothing worse than looking for a place to rest your head when you are tired and hungry. It just sets you up for arguments.

– Learn about your destination ahead of time. Is it expensive? Will you have to pay for parking everywhere you go? How far is it from other places you may want to visit? What is the weather like? I feel it is best to know these things ahead of time. It would be awful to find out you have to spend $25 a day in parking when you get there and realize you didn’t budget for that.

– Bring lots of activities for the kids. For road trips and long airplane rides you need distractions. It doesn’t have to be continuous, but something to help pass the time is very helpful. This year I brought road trip games that I had prepared before we left and I brought goodies for the kids to periodically reward them for good behavior. I also bought a few new things in the dollar section of Target (like little white boards and road atlases for each of them) so they had new things to look at or play with on the drive. We also let them listen to their IPod or watch movies on the IPad, but I did make sure that this time was limited. The point of a family vacation is to connect and communicate. You can’t do that if you are plugged in the whole time.

– Be still for a while. We like to travel somewhere and then stay for a few days before we move to our next destination. It not only gives you time to explore certain places, but also breaks up the monotony of being in the car for so many days. A vacation should feel like a vacation. Time to relax and unwind a bit. If you pack too much in, you will only feel exhausted and unrested. Make sure you take some time to chill. Have a day with nothing planned. Those are always my favorites.

– Get the kids their own room. For me, this is key for a happy vacation. Husband and I must have time to connect too and can’t do that easily in a hotel room with the kids in the bed right next to you. We always try to get a suite that has a door so that the kids can have their space and grown ups can have theirs. If we are in a place for a week or so, we will rent a house on VRBO.com. It usually ends up being around same price as a hotel would be, but you have a lot more space. The kids love it too. They need a break from Mom and Dad too!

– Plan activities for everyone. Give everyone a say in what they would like to get out of the vacation. In Texas, my daughter wanted to swim, husband wanted to visit Dealy Plaza, son wanted to visit the Nasa Space Center, and I just wanted to sit in a quiet space and read. We accommodated everyone.

Most of all, just treasure the moments. Each is so special. Even the times you are arguing you may look back on with a grin. Like remember that time that we took that dirt back road through Arizona that took us 5 hours longer than we anticipated and we were thoroughly pissed at each other by the time we it pavement? I will never forget ūüôā

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Continue to take family vacations and build precious memories.

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4500 Miles

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4500 miles.

That is how far we traveled on our recent summer road trip. It took us 26 days from start to finish. When I say us, I am referring to myself, my husband and our 2 kids ages 4 and 9.

Where did we go? We drove from California to Texas and back again.

When we told people our plan to travel that far, for that long, in a car, with two children, here is the response I would get, “Are you crazy? My kids would go nuts, why Texas? It’s so humid there.”

Here is my response to those people; maybe I am a little crazy, you could do it, and Texas – why not?

26 days, 9 hotels, asking a stranger to jump our car 5 times, 2 water parks, visits with family we never get to see, discovering an appreciation for the beauty of Texas, two 4-year-old meltdowns, 3 swimming pools, endless take out, the white sands in New Mexico, one Texas Ranger baseball game, the butterfly museum, the natural science museum, the heat, shopping in Bandera, the flowers in Fredricksburg, the quirkiness of Austin, the lightning storms, the river in San Antonio, the rides in Galveston, the upset stomachs and headaches, the joy on my kids faces, the humidity, the romance my husband and I lovingly call “Bandera Nights,” the Dairy Queens, the bats in Carlsbad, the meteor site in Arizona, the Grand Canyon, the memories.

This was not our first endeavor on a long road trip with children. When our daughter was a baby we drove up the coast to Canada. Let me just say, if you haven’t driven the California and Oregon coast, you should consider adding that to your bucket list. It is beauty beyond words. We have also taken road trips through New Mexico, explored Colorado and sat in awe in Utah.

Although, not my favorite thing to do, we fly too. Last year we flew to Florida and explored the Keys and we have traveled through Wisconsin and Hawaii. All with our children.

Summer vacations were a tradition when I was growing up. Once we took a 3 week road trip from California to Washington DC.

My husband didn’t travel as a kid. His family didn’t have the money or really the thought to do so. I remember thinking how sad it seemed that he had never been to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon. Two sites everyone needs to see.

When husband (then boyfriend) and I were 18 we started our own tradition of taking a big vacation every year. Back then it meant staying in dive hotels and living off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Kool-Aid.

Now, we still live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but we stay in nicer hotels.

If I look back on all of my years, the memories that stand out the most are those from family vacations. From squishing in the front seat of my parents car, marveling at the Smithsonian, getting my foot stuck in the Texas mud, to unexpectedly camping in Bryce Canyon with my husband with no tent, carrying my daughter on my back on the suspension bridge in Vancouver, being overwhelmed by the sunset in Kauai, to an unforgettable night on the lake in Wisconsin. Each unforgettable memories.

Don’t get me wrong. Traveling is not all rosy. Living out of a suitcase gets old, trying to entertain two children continuously is exhausting, and arguing with husband about what we should feed the kids is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

What a family vacation does, for us, is bring my husband and I closer. He is able to focus on me rather than on work and I can stay up late snuggling because I don’t have to worry about getting up early the next day. It gives us the ability to give our kids the undivided attention that they always crave and gives us shared memories we will never forget. Like the scorpion in our room in Bandera, TX. A real scorpion!

I have learned a few things though, about how to make a trip successful. Especially a trip with children. The last thing that you want is to be at each other’s throats, because you can’t stand to be together for another minute.

Stay tuned for some of the travel tips that I have learned through our years of family vacations.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Talk about where we want to go next year!

Run Away With Me

Last December I learned the value taking some time away with my husband.  Amongst the madness of the holiday season, my husband and I put it all aside for 5 days and  ran away together.  We went on a cruise to Cabo San Lucas.   Just the two of us.

For some parents this might seem unheard of,  wrong in their eyes even.  To leave the kids behind for 5 days and be completely selfish.  I have to admit, I felt incredibly guilty at first.  Something that comes rather easy to me, guilt. 

Heading off to have a wonderful time without the kiddos, during the busiest time of the year, leaving work, kids, dog  and responsibility in the very capable and willing hands of our parents.  It was too selfish right?  Definitely!  But, I did it anyway.

Last year at this time, my husband and I were not in the greatest place.¬† It had been a long year of trying to find our way back to connection, romance, wanting to fall in love again.¬† It had been a struggle.¬† Probably the toughest year of our marriage.¬† We felt desperate for time away together.¬† I couldn’t wait to get him away from his phone and computer and he couldn’t wait to have the attention that I usually devoted to the kids, all to himself.

Let me tell you the great thing about a cruise.¬† There is no distractions.¬† No where to go.¬† No schedule to adhere too (unless you are like me and can’t resist being a spectator at¬†¬†the Hairy Chest Competition.¬† I had to see that one for my own eyes!) No computer.¬† No cell phone. Ok well, they have these, it just costs a small fortune to use them.¬† This was one time that my husband’s¬†desire to save every penny¬†completely worked to my benefit.

The days on the cruise are filled with sunshine, endless ocean, romantic dinners, delicious food and peace and quiet.  Maybe if you have been on a cruise you would not agree, but for us, it was sheer magic.  Five whole days of magic.

It was during that time that I remembered all of those things that I love about my husband.  All those things that are so hard to find in the normal day-to-day life.  Between kids, fatigue, work, obligations, it is easy to lose sight. 

Suddenly, I have his complete attention.¬† We stared at each other over dessert.¬† We laughed.¬† We watched the sunset.¬† We watched endless movies.¬† We held each other and watched the ocean outside of our balcony.¬†We had more sex than we had in the¬†last 2 months put together.¬†¬†We, quite literally, couldn’t keep our¬†hands off of each other.¬† Who were these people?¬†

 We fell in love . . . again.

It, quite honestly, put us back on track.  It was there that we vowed to make our marriage first again.  To take important steps to make sure that some of that magic that we found on the high seas, lasted all year. 

Guess what!¬† It did.¬† This was the best year in the life of our marriage.¬†¬† Amid all of the chaos of health issues, surgeries, family illness, children, insane work schedules, travel, we held it together like never before.¬† Don’t get me wrong, this year took a lot of day-to-day work to maintain the connection.¬† Five days in heaven can’t make a marriage last, but it definitely doesn’t hurt.

We believed so much in the power of the cruise, that we did it again this year.  This month we cashed in our American Express bonus points and headed back to Cabo.  Again, magic.  I feel ready to tackle a new year with my husband by my side.  We  found passion, connection, romance.  It is a beautiful thing.

Now, I do realize that  a cruise is not necessarily an easy thing to run off and do  for many people.  I happen to live by 2 major cruise ship ports.  That, however, is not the point. The point is to find your way back to each other by leaving everything  else behind.  Even if just for a couple of days.  Whatever you can manage. 

Don’t think I am an awful person for leaving behind the kids while I go have the time of my life.¬† We do a family vacation every year as well, but I belive that my husband and I have started a new ¬†tradition of an annual lovers vacation.¬† Ok sounds corny, but whatever.¬† That is what it is.¬† A journey back to love.¬† And it is awesome!!!

Today’s lesson to a better marriage:¬† Run away together