Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Posts tagged ‘sexy’

I Have A Crush!

photo by freedigitalphotos.net

I recently read an article in October edition of Redbook Magazine titled, ” Get Ready to Crush on your Husband.”  The title sold me.  I was in!

It talked about things that you can do to revisit that spark that you felt for your spouse in the beginning.  It made me think back to our beginning and reminisce about the things that started my crush in the first place.  Granted, when my crush started I was going thru puberty, but regardless there were certain things that made my heart race.

I remember, way back then, being crazy about his hugs.  My husband gives great hugs.  They are not half-assed hugs.  They are both arms wrapped around, body close, head tucked close to mine, tight squeeze kind of hugs.  They used to make my knees go weak.

I remember crushing on him because of his sense of humor.  He was always silly.  He knew how to bring a lightness to a room.  He was always joking.  He would do things that would make me shrink with embarrassment and laugh at the same time.

I remember having a crush because of his energy.  My husband is the kind of guy that can walk into a room and people look.  He draws people to him.  He always has.  He can bring a power and buzz to a room and make it shine brighter without even trying.

I definitely had a crush over his looks.  He was a hottie, at least in my eyes, way back in our Freshman year in high school. I remember thinking, Wow!  How did a guy like him, pick a girl like me?   I felt so  lucky.

What happens is, thru the years, you lose sight of all of those things that made you have a crush on the man to begin with. Not only that, but many of the things that you used to find attractive, now can be completely ignored or can make you absolutely crazy.

How often to I pay attention to his hugs?  Do find his silliness attractive?  Do I laugh at what I used to find adorably funny.  Do I notice when he walks into the room?

The article talks about how even after so many years together, you can still get that feeling of butterflies at strange and unexpected moments.  The point is, when that happens,  make sure you pay attention.

Since reading the article, I have thought a lot about the whole crush thing.  I realized that I get this feeling all of the time these days. It can be from taking in a good deep breath of how good he smells, to watching him on the floor playing with our son, to taking in a certain way he looks at me with his incredible blue eyes, or watching him walk toward me across a room with his goofy little grin.

It seems that the key to keeping the butterflies is to not only notice the moments he makes my heart beat a little faster, but to make sure I don’t let it pass without acting on it, or at the very least sharing my feeling with hubby.  He should know that he can still make me feel like a teenager with crush.

Just after I read the article, my husband went to run an errand.  He took the Jeep.  The Jeep is our favorite car.  In the summer, he takes the top and the doors off of it.  I was watching thru the window as he hopped in.   He put on his shades, turned up the music and sped out of the driveway.   All I could think was, “Damn, that Jeep looks good on him.”  He looked so sexy driving away in that car.  He looked young and free and so hot! And, I made sure to tell him so when he got back.

Today’s Lesson In Improving My Marriage: Yeah, I still got it!  I still have a crush on my husband. The key is to continue to work to keep it that way.

I am curious, what makes you crush on your spouse?

photo by freedigitalphotos.net

My Sexy Experiment With “The 4 Hour Body”!

I want to supercede this post by letting you know that I am not trying to be tawdry in any way, but I do feel that sex is a vital part of a healthy marriage.  So I can’t help but feel the need to share with you how date night went for me this week.  In one word, Unforgettable!

My husband is a big fan of Tim Ferriss, author of the “4 Hour Workweek”.  He talks about it all the time and asked for the extended audiobook for Christmas.   So when he told me that Tim Ferriss had come out with a new book called the “The 4 Hour Body”, I knew I needed to get it for him.

I came across it a few weeks ago while shopping.  It is enormous!   It would cause some serious damage if you were hit over the head with it.  I thought about putting it back on the shelf and walking away.  I mean, who wants to read that many pages on exercise and nutrition?  No thanks!  But, before I put it back I read the front cover and table of contents.   There is a whole chapter about improving sex.  I thought, “Okay this could be interesting.” So I bought it for the hubby.

Since the night I brought it home, a couple of weeks ago, Hubby has been reading it every day.  He is completely hooked.

Tim Ferriss is an interesting man.  He is a  master at self experimentation.  His book has very detailed descriptions on how to get the body that you desire with tried and true testimony from Tim himself.  It is fascinating really.

My husband wanted me to read a particular chapter that he found really interesting on using kettlebells in your exercise routine.  I had never even heard of a kettlebell, but I enjoyed the chapter enough to flip through the rest of the book to look at the other chapter titles.

There is a whole chapter on improving sex complete  with very detailed pictures, and that night just so happened to be date night.  Perfect!

So our date night consisted of my husband reading, out loud to me, that particular chapter.  But it wasn’t enough just to read it, we needed to test the theories.

Without going into too much detail, let me just say we had a wonderful date night. It was sexy, sweet, and highly surprising.  Unlike anything we have ever done before.

Don’t get me wrong, our sex life is awesome!  I am often shocked that after all these years I can still feel the passion that I do for my husband.  Neither of us feel lacking in any way.  However, what I learned from reading this book, and trying out the methods, is that there is always room for improvement.  How wonderful a feeling to realize that we love each other enough to want to get better at loving each other.  To try new positions, to talk about it, to make myself unbelievably vulnerable. It all served to bring us  closer.

In fact the next day, all I could think about was what happened the night before.  A little unusual for me.

I also learned that if Tim Ferriss was right about his sex theories, maybe I should pay attention to the other chapters.  I better run out and get those kettlebells, right now!

I strongly recommend to all couples, to try something new in the bedroom (or somewhere different for a change.)   Try a new position, a new technique, get a book, talk, get comfortable saying what you like and don’t like, and improve your skills.  Sex should never be boring.  It should always have an element of connection, passion and newness.

If you are needing a little spark in the bedroom or you are just feeling a little adventurous, I recommend picking up a copy of this book and head right to the chapter on improving sex.

Practice makes perfect!  Have fun.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  Practice, practice, practice!

Run Away With Me

Last December I learned the value taking some time away with my husband.  Amongst the madness of the holiday season, my husband and I put it all aside for 5 days and  ran away together.  We went on a cruise to Cabo San Lucas.   Just the two of us.

For some parents this might seem unheard of,  wrong in their eyes even.  To leave the kids behind for 5 days and be completely selfish.  I have to admit, I felt incredibly guilty at first.  Something that comes rather easy to me, guilt. 

Heading off to have a wonderful time without the kiddos, during the busiest time of the year, leaving work, kids, dog  and responsibility in the very capable and willing hands of our parents.  It was too selfish right?  Definitely!  But, I did it anyway.

Last year at this time, my husband and I were not in the greatest place.  It had been a long year of trying to find our way back to connection, romance, wanting to fall in love again.  It had been a struggle.  Probably the toughest year of our marriage.  We felt desperate for time away together.  I couldn’t wait to get him away from his phone and computer and he couldn’t wait to have the attention that I usually devoted to the kids, all to himself.

Let me tell you the great thing about a cruise.  There is no distractions.  No where to go.  No schedule to adhere too (unless you are like me and can’t resist being a spectator at  the Hairy Chest Competition.  I had to see that one for my own eyes!) No computer.  No cell phone. Ok well, they have these, it just costs a small fortune to use them.  This was one time that my husband’s desire to save every penny completely worked to my benefit.

The days on the cruise are filled with sunshine, endless ocean, romantic dinners, delicious food and peace and quiet.  Maybe if you have been on a cruise you would not agree, but for us, it was sheer magic.  Five whole days of magic.

It was during that time that I remembered all of those things that I love about my husband.  All those things that are so hard to find in the normal day-to-day life.  Between kids, fatigue, work, obligations, it is easy to lose sight. 

Suddenly, I have his complete attention.  We stared at each other over dessert.  We laughed.  We watched the sunset.  We watched endless movies.  We held each other and watched the ocean outside of our balcony. We had more sex than we had in the last 2 months put together.  We, quite literally, couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.  Who were these people? 

 We fell in love . . . again.

It, quite honestly, put us back on track.  It was there that we vowed to make our marriage first again.  To take important steps to make sure that some of that magic that we found on the high seas, lasted all year. 

Guess what!  It did.  This was the best year in the life of our marriage.   Amid all of the chaos of health issues, surgeries, family illness, children, insane work schedules, travel, we held it together like never before.  Don’t get me wrong, this year took a lot of day-to-day work to maintain the connection.  Five days in heaven can’t make a marriage last, but it definitely doesn’t hurt.

We believed so much in the power of the cruise, that we did it again this year.  This month we cashed in our American Express bonus points and headed back to Cabo.  Again, magic.  I feel ready to tackle a new year with my husband by my side.  We  found passion, connection, romance.  It is a beautiful thing.

Now, I do realize that  a cruise is not necessarily an easy thing to run off and do  for many people.  I happen to live by 2 major cruise ship ports.  That, however, is not the point. The point is to find your way back to each other by leaving everything  else behind.  Even if just for a couple of days.  Whatever you can manage. 

Don’t think I am an awful person for leaving behind the kids while I go have the time of my life.  We do a family vacation every year as well, but I belive that my husband and I have started a new  tradition of an annual lovers vacation.  Ok sounds corny, but whatever.  That is what it is.  A journey back to love.  And it is awesome!!!

Today’s lesson to a better marriage:  Run away together

A Time for Thanks

Well, much to my shock, Thanksgiving is already here.  I have no idea where the days have gone that have led me here, but here I am nonetheless.

Thanksgiving is probably my least favorite holiday.  Sounds slightly offensive, I am sure, but it is true.  The years of shuffling children and food from one house to the next has taken its toll.  Balancing our time between families.  Missing dinner with one side of the family or dessert with the other.  Trying hard not to hurt anyone’s feelings. It is downright exhausting.

It seems that in all of the chaos of the day I often forget about why we celebrate the day to begin with.  Oh yeah, it is to give thanks.

Gratitude is one of the keys to a fulfilling life, I believe.  Taking the time to revel in the gifts of life is something I try to do often.  I keep a gratitude journal on my nightstand.  I thank God as often as possible for the blessings in my life.  I am so grateful. 

For some reason, however,  on the day I am supposed to be giving thanks, all I can think about is, “When is this, very long, day going to end?”

No offense to my family of course.  They are wonderful.  I love them dearly.  I believe I have just become a little cynical about this holiday.  Maybe too many dinners with certain members of the extended family (who shall remain anonymous) sitting next to me complaining about everything going wrong in their lives. People who show no signs of gratitude. 

A huge pet peeve of mine . . . people who are negative.  Yet even in the moment that I say that I am sick of negativity at Thanksgiving, here I am being negative about it.  I have become a hypocrite! 

This year I will challenge myself to find gratitude on this day that I am supposed to give thanks.

Since this is a blog about my marriage, I thought it only appropriate to give thanks to my husband (in the event that I lose sight of my gratitude the moment the doorbell starts ringing and the tofu turkey is put in the oven).

Dear husband, I am thankful for:

Your dark blue t-shirt that hugs your chest just a little too tight.

Bedtime stories with the kids so that I can hear you make the silly voices.

How you pretend your taller than you actually are.

How you never give up hope that someday you will be able to slam dunk.

The sweet words of gratitude that you write to me every night.

The deodorant you wear that makes you smell delicious.

Your incessant motivation that makes me both love you and hate you at the same time.

The look of love that you give our children.

Your inability to keep your hands off of me most days.

Your ability to recognize the days that you better keep your hands off of me.

Your giddy weakness for sweets.

Your inability to walk up the stairs without tripping.

Your never-ending, and quite serious,  hunt for the best cup of coffee.

Your blue eyes that still make me melt.

The magnetic pull you have toward injury that makes you the only man on the planet that has gotten a black eye from a pinata.  Not the stick, but the actual pinata.

Your childish fight against going to bed.

Your uncontrollable laughter when watching SNL.

The way you can’t resist kissing me during a love scene in a movie.

I am most thankful for you this Thanksgiving.  For all that you do for our family.  For how you love me with all you have. For your dedication to our children.   For all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses.  For just being you.  I love you.

(Sorry for the mushiness of this post.  Just couldn’t help it)

Today’s lesson in improving your marriage: Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving!

I Want to Play

How often do you  play with your spouse?

The honest answer, for me, is not that often.  Why is that?

Last night, something sparked in me.  I don’t know what, but suddenly I was feeling very playful.  Poking, prodding, irritating, just being downright silly.  My husband was wondering who had abducted his wife and replaced her with this lighthearted playful woman?   At the same moment that he was calling me a freak, he was laughing and teasing with me.  It was fun.  Later I started to think about the art of playing.  Why don’t I do it more often?

When we were first married, long before children, we used to play a lot.  We would take long bike rides and play catch in the front yard.  We played scrabble all the time.  I know, for some, Scrabble is the last thing they would want to play.  Those people have never played with my husband.  He used to make me laugh so hard at the letters that he would try to pass off as words and the definitions he would have  ready when challenged.   We would often have wrestling matches to death…. ok not to the death but to the point that you felt you were going to die  from laughing so hard.

We have two young kids.  I play a lot with them.  With my children I have no problem pretending I am on a magic carpet ride to Grammy’s house or that I am a yellow Lamborghini racing to the finish line.  With my children it is easy.

Truth be told, at the end of the day, I am usually beyond tired.  My brain is fried from work, my patience is at its limit with the dog.  If my son asks me one more question I feel like my head is going to burst (then he asks the question, surprising me, my head actually doesn’t burst).  I have had it with my 8 year old’s homework.  Basically, I am done for the day.  Down for the count.  The second that we get the kids to bed we both make a beeline to the couch to veg out in front of  a recorded SNL or a rented movie.  And once I am there, I feel like I never want to move again.  Each day is a race to the finish, it seems, and completely exhausting.

I guess that explains my lack of desire to play more.

But something is wrong with that picture.  I need to play more.  It is not fair that the kids get all the fun.

Laughter makes me feel happier and laughing with someone makes me feel closer to them.

This morning, when my husband woke up he was still smirking at me from our silliness last night.  Remembering our fun from the night before and feeling connected from it has started our day off right.

So I am going to challenge myself to find another moment to play this week.  Whether it be a board game, a wrestling match or naked tag ( we did that once a long time ago.  Now that was fun! ) I am going to start making an effort to be more playful and silly.  I need to lighten up a little.

Today’s lesson to a better marriage:  Don’t forget to play

Do you play?

Tammy

Bringing Sexy Back

Here is what I know for sure.  Life is a constant lesson in progress.  This week I want to focus on a touchy subject, weight.  My weight to be specific.

As many people I know, (now that I think about it, all of the people I know) weight is a constant issue and focus. At any given time, I am either feeling bad about my weight, trying to lose pregnancy weight (for the last 4 years), trying to maintain weight, battling lack of motivation, or  I am trying to suppress a severe lack of desire to excercise.

Sound familiar?

This year I put back on the 8 lbs I lost last year.  To some that will sound like a lot, to some very little.  For me, it is a lot.  Really, it is not even about the scale.  I am not so much into focusing on reaching a certain number. What matters to me is how I feel.

How do I feel lately?  Not so great.  I have let some things go this year, and it shows.

So here is the question, what does my weight have to do with my marriage?  Well, a lot.

I have the sweetest husband.  He is full of compliments.  Always tells me how beautiful I am or how sexy he thinks I am.   He seems to desire me regardless of what the scale shows.   Baffling sometimes, to be honest. How he can think my ass is sexy when I think of it as my worst features is beyond me.  I am grateful nonetheless.

Much to his dismay, no matter how much he compliments me, it doesn’t change how I feel about myself.  My confidence comes from within and even though I value what he says, so much, I know that what is most important is how I feel about myself.

Earlier this year.  I felt good.  I was exercising regularly, eating well (not dieting, just making good choices).  I felt good in my clothes and when I looked in the mirror.    All of this equates to confidence which equates to a much sexier wife.  There is nothing hotter to my husband than when I feel good about myself.   I am more playful. I don’t try to hide certain parts of my body as I hustle, naked, to the shower.  I flaunt and flirt.

Not sexy, is when I try to walk backwards so as not to show my backside, or when I sweetly negate every complement my husband throws my way.

It is not a number.  It is a feeling.

I believe in the saying, “love the skin you’re in.”  But, I also believe that in order to love that skin, you must take care of it and do what makes you feel good about yourself.  For me, I feel much more confident when I eat right and move.

I think that we all know that place where we feel our best.   Whether it is 10 lbs heavier, 30 lbs lighter, a size 12, fitting back into those pre-pregnancy jeans, or right where you are at.  Wherever that is, is where we want to be.

So why do most of us have such a hard time getting to that place?  I don’t know.  I think it is a conspiracy from the fast food places to make their french fries completely irresistible and by Dove chocolate to cleverly sweet talk its way into my pantry.

It is time to find my way back to the girl who feels good about her body.  That puts priority on what makes her feel more confident  in herself.  That wants to dance naked in the daylight and strut confidently by my husband’s adoring eyes, bare butt and all.

There will always be things that I don’t particularly care for about my body.  We all have those body parts that we would seriously consider trading in, if given the chance.  But it is my body, for better or worse.  So I might as well make the best of it.

I want my sexy back.  My husband will thank me for it.  Not because I am lighter or fitter, but because I am more confident in my self.

I have always worked well with taking things one step at a time.  Small changes equate to big changes if you stick to them over long periods of time.  Step one for me is to move!  Just exercising for 20 – 30 minutes a day a few days a week does a world of difference for my confidence.  My mood is better and I feel sexier and more confident in myself.

Time to strap on those tennis shoes and get this body moving again!  Any type of movement, at this point will do.

I will report back and let you know how it is going.

In the meantime, what do you do to take care of your body?  How does your confidence affect your marriage?

Marriage Lesson for Today – Take care of your body. Your confidence and marriage will thank you for it.

Tammy