Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Archive for April, 2012

Don’t Cry Over Loosing a Tooth

Sometimes life’s lessons come from the most unexpected places.  That was the case for me this week.

One lesson learned was at Panera, during one of my writing sessions.  In a place such as that it is hard to ignore what is being said at the table next to you.  I promise I wasn’t purposefully eavesdropping, but sometimes the ears just hone in on a conversation without really realizing it.

I don’t remember what the conversation was about, but I do remember the man at the table saying, “I’ve learned to lower my expectations.  It is much easier to go through life that way.”

I was stunned by the comment and felt an incredible sadness for the man and what he might have experienced in life that caused him to have such a defeating outlook.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t disagree more.

I couldn’t imagine having this attitude toward my life.  If I didn’t have high expectations, life certainly wouldn’t be as rewarding as it is.

In my marriage, I have very high expectations.  Do they get let down sometimes?  Absolutely! But because I expect so much, I work hard to achieve all that I hope for. Expectations and hope give me the drive to work at things to make them better.

All I could think was, I don’t ever want to be a person who sits in Panera and shares how low my expectations for life are.  Expectations are what drive us to greatness. I want greatness!

Another lesson came from my 9 year-old daughter.  She lost her second molar, in a week, a couple of days ago.  When she came out of the bathroom holding her tooth, this is how the conversation went.

Mom, “Wow, My baby girl is loosing all of her teeth.”

Girl, vehemently shakes her hear and says, “No, I don’t want to.”

Mom,” Why not?”

Girl,” Because I want to make it last.”

Mom, “What do you mean, you want to make it last?”

Girl,” I don’t want to grow up.”

Mom, “Well you still have several years left of being a kid.”

Girl,  in tears, ” I know, but this year I am going to be in double digits!”

She proceeded to tell me how she loved being a kid and didn’t want to be  a grown up, because kids get to do things that grown ups can’t do.

I was all choked up.  I couldn’t help but think, either I am doing an awesome job as a Mom because my daughter is enjoying her childhood so much, or I am doing a lousy job as an adult, because my daughter dreads the day it is her turn.  My guess is a little of both are true.

Being a Mom, naturally full of guilt, I couldn’t help but focus on the latter.  Do I portray adulthood as so bad?  Maybe.  She sees me constantly on the computer working. She sees my fatigue and short temper at the end of the day.  She sees me struggle to make time for play. She sees the endless  and dreaded chores.  She sees me trying to balance finances.  She hears me argue with her Daddy.

It is haunting to think about how she sees my life, a mirror as to how my husband and son see me.  How I see me.

I am far too often wrapped up in life that I forget I have two little admirers taking notes.  Showing struggle and resolution is important, but more important is showing the joy.  I feel it inside, but am certain I don’t express it as I should.

I want her to imagine the beauty of adulthood.  Falling in love, parenting, freedom.  I am certain that I don’t show the affection I feel toward my husband often enough in front of her.  Maybe if I did, she wouldn’t fear adulthood like she does.

It is quite apparent that I need to lighten up.  Stop making life so hard.  Show the joy and affection in my marriage so that my daughter can look forward to experiencing that for herself one day.   Express  and point out the joys in life, rather than just the struggles.

Maybe, I just looked too far to into it.  I mean, who doesn’t wish to still be a kid?  Free of worry and stress?  But, being an adult sure has its perks too!

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  Don’t forget you can learn a thing or two from strangers and 9 year olds.

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A Moment In Time

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I spend a lot of minutes thinking about “time.” Such a precious yet fleeting word.

I think about how there never seems to be enough of it. I seem to say, “I don’t have enough time,” on a daily basis.

I don’t have time to excercise. I don’t have time to write. I don’t have time to work. I don’t have time to play.

I think about my children. How time has robbed me of the baby years. How much longer will my daughter hold my hand crossing the street or want me to brush her hair? How much longer will I be able to pick up my son or sing him a bedtime song?

I think of my dad. How his 83 years are creeping up on him. How his body is slower than it used to be. How he can’t hear me as well as he used to. How much longer will he be here to meet me for breakfast or to cry at special events?

I think of my mom. How she will be turning 70 next year. How does that feel to reach such milestones? To know that what lies ahead is far less than what is left behind.

I think of my husband’s grandmother who died a few weeks back. How she had lived 40 years after her husband had died. She had had enough time. Time was far too long.

I think of my husband. How his hair is beginning to have more grey than brown. How his knees betray him on the basketball court. How beautiful it is to watch him grow older. What a precious gift to share with him.

I think of how I would give anything for time to slow down. How it flies by so fast it feels like sand through my fingers. If time did slow, would I notice? Would I then stop to take it all in? Would I then find a balance in work, love, family, play? Would I then be able do the things I have always wanted to do, but didn’t have the time for? Would I exercise or call my mom more?

What a precious commodity, time. What would we pay to have more of it? If we did have more, would we use it wisely?

Recent movies and a very vivid dream that I had, have reminded me that there will come a time when my parents are no longer here, when my children are grown and gone, and when I will loose my husband or he will loose me. Right here and now are the best days of my life.

Time . . . even if I was given more, it would never be enough. How could there ever be enough time to cuddle with my husband? To read to my children? To watch them play? To cook with my mom or chat with my dad? There could never be enough time.

Time. . . so incredibly precious. So, I will hold tighter to the time I have and be present in the moments that pass. I must make a conscious effort to make the time for the things that I love. Time will not make it for me. Moments are only here once. Each is a gift. An unbelievably precious gift. How blessed I am with time.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Stop saying “I don’t have time.” I do. Right here and now.