Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Caution: Rough Road Ahead

Why is it that the learning never ends?  The second you think you have got it all figured out, Wham!!!!  Guess what? You don’t!

It would be so nice if the road of marriage was similar to driving on the highway.  At least on the highway there are endless signs to warn you and prepare you for what is to come.

Marriage, not so much.  How nice that would be!

These past couple of weeks I wish there had a been a sign to warn me. Caution: Rough Road Ahead!  At least then I could grip the steering wheel and brace myself.

Here is the problem; the second that I start to get a little cocky thinking, ” I’ve got this.  I have this all figured out,”   I am smacked over the head with the realization that, frankly, I have a lot to learn.

Here is what I mean.  I can’t say what where it started or what exactly happened, but things between hubby and I have  just been off these past couple of weeks.  We find ourselves bickering and arguing regularly.  We can’t seem to dig our way out of this little ditch that we are in where the smallest things set each other off. 

I feel like I am a child, regressing back to all of my old behaviors.    Trying desperately to remember all of the things that I learned last year about fighting better, taking accountability for my actions, being appreciative.  It seems all that flew right out the window.  “What is going on?”, I scream to myself while hubby and I are delving into the same  arguments that have haunted us for years.  Didn’t I learn how to deal with this better?  Aren’t I better than this person that keeps pointing the finger away from herself?  It certainly hasn’t felt like it.

I can’t say what triggered this little rough patch.  It seemed things were moving along smoothly, then one argument leads to another and before I know it I am a 4-year-old in an adult body.

Here is what I realize when I step away and force myself to get some perspective;  rough roads are just part of the deal.  “In good times and in bad.”  It is not the end of the world, as it feels in the heat of the moment.   

I see now that these rough patches are a test.  Can I rise above? Can I put into play all of the things that I have learned about maintaining a healthy marriage, or do I run and hide?  

I will not hide! 

So, our last big argument 2 days ago, turns heated.  Me yelling and stomping upstairs and forgetting I am a grown up.  I take a moment to breathe and think, “Come on.  Our marriage is better than this.”  And even though it is hard when I am upset, I take  a moment to think about everything that has been working for us in the past.  All of the tools that I have learned to fight better.  Be a good listener, be accountable  (no finger-pointing), show appreciation, be understanding of where he is coming from, don’t yell, remember that I love this person that makes me crazy.

I put these tools into play and painlessly, the argument dies with apologies, hugs and a feeling that everything is going to be okay.  

Things are not back to perfect yet, but I have spent a lot of time thinking and  have realized that a significant key to being in a healthy marriage is to always know that the “light is on the other side of the tunnel.”  I have seen it!  I know it is there.  I just need to hold on to the wheel.  Be cautious, proactive and  loving and we will get to the other side.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  Rough roads are inevitable, but take the scenic route whenever possible.

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Comments on: "Caution: Rough Road Ahead" (6)

  1. We’ve learned that when things are that heated, it’s better to go to our respective corners until the emotions come back down to normal, then we discuss it.

    Granted, this is after 20 years of marriage that we’ve learned this, but at least we’ve learned it.

  2. Great post, and SO true. I feel like we are traveling rough, bumpy roads now. However, if we can traverse these roads now, marriage will seem so easy after all the years…..

  3. Man, I wonder if there’s something about how the planets have been aligned recently! There were a lot of major bumps in the road over the last month or so. And I’ve been reminding myself about a lot of the same things… taking the time to listen and think about where he is coming from, and not be so quick to throw everything back on him. We finally seem to be finally finding our way back, but it’s tough. Hope things are going better on your end as well.

  4. You and I seem to have a lot in common 🙂 Things are going better with us. It is tough though. Hoping to stay on smooth roads for a while. Wishing you the same.

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