Will I ever grow to fully understand this man who I have chosen to spend my life with? I am beginning to come to grips with the fact that the answer is a resounding, No! He is an endless list of things that I may never get.
I will never understand how he can dismiss any exercise other than basketball as not excercise at all. A jog, lifting weights, the elliptical machine. None of that counts to him. If it is not a 3 hour round with sweat, testosterone and fist pumps it is just not worth the calorie burn.
Husband, “Tam, I’m gonna go to the gym to play basketball.”
Tam, “Okay, but didn’t you go for a jog this morning?”
Husband, “Yeah, but that doesn’t count.”
If it doesn’t count than why do it? I don’t get it!
I will never understand how when we go on a trip, his shoes take up a suitcase of their own. I am the woman. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Basketball shoes, jogging shoes, comfortable shoes, dress shoes, same shoes in several colors. What is it with him and his shoes? He can’t pass a Sketchers or a Foot Locker at the mall without feeling some serious regret. A pair of flip-flops and tennis shoes and I am good to go.
I will never understand how Husband can hop out of bed the second the alarm goes off after a mere 5 hours of sleep. Are you kidding me? Hit the snooze, will ya? I am an 8 hour a night kind of girl, and even then, I drag myself out of bed feeling a deep sadness over leaving the warmth of the covers and the sweetness of the quiet. Not husband! Loud morning music and singing in the shower is how he wakes up with me begging him to turn it down. I mean really, there is just something wrong with someone being that energetic in the morning.
I will never understand why he can set out to lose 5 lbs and reach is goal in 3 days. What is going on here? To lose that same 5 lbs it takes me two months and severe deprivation. Okay, maybe not severe, but going two weeks without french fries is a travesty. Truly.
I will never understand how he can be asleep the second his head hits the pillow. What is up with this? I lay there twiddling my thumbs, bitter at his peaceful sleep, listening to his heavy breathing. Why does he breathe so heavy anyway? What is he dreaming about? Is it me or Brooklyn Decker? And if it is Brooklyn Decker, who can blame him anyway? Did he say she was hot? No, that was me. She is so hot! How does she get her hair so shiny and stay in such great shape? Ugh!!! Counting sheep, 1, 2, 3 . . . Why is he breathing so heavy?
He will always be a bit of a mystery to me. But, if I understood everything about him married life would be boring. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Today’s lesson in improving my marriage : Figure out what he is dreaming about!