I have escaped to Sin City. You know the lights, the shows, the alcohol, the bad decisions? Isn’t that what Vegas is all about?
Not for me. I am miles from the strip, with a stack of old movies, a plentiful supply of diet pepsi and enjoying absolute serenity. I have run away to spend two days all by myself in a little condo at the base of Red Rock Canyon.
Why, you might ask? I was desperate. Quite literally desperate. There are those times in ones life when you must recognize the moment you are on the brink of loosing your mind. If you don’t get a second of peace you are going to permanently turn into the Tasmanian Devil, destroying everything in your path.
It seems, in recent weeks, I have felt an unbearable feeling of being overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted. Turning to tears for no apparant reason. Snapping at my unsuspecting children while they stare wide eyed at what was once their patient mother. Let’s just say, a string of events and illnesses have taken their toll. Sometimes, everything becomes too much.
One day, while sharing this with my husband, thru my tears, I said, “I need a break.” Those were not easy words to say outloud, but I did.
I need a few moments all to myself, to pull myself together and find my breath again. Where no one needs me, or expects anything from me. Where I can finish a magazine in one sitting. Where I can make a choice based on what I want. Where I can take a shower without interruption.
What???? Was I crazy?
According to my husband, I wasn’t. He agreed. He has watched as the patience and kindness that usually comes easy to me, slowly came unraveled. He said, “You’re right. You do need a break.”
So we scheduled “me” time on the calendar. I was to get a couple of days all to myself! It felt like a dream.
But as the day came around for me to leave, I felt incredibly guilty. How could I do this? What was I going to do? What would people think?
My bag was packed and I was ready to go, but my very dear friend Guilt, made it so hard to walk thru the door. My husband had to practically push me to the car.
The second I pulled away from the house, though, I knew I had made the right decision. I needed this. A mini vacation for me. To sleep, to walk, to write, to watch movies, to read. To find the energy and passion that has eluded me for the last few months.
I realize that, to some, I might sound like a very selfish person. Going on a cruise with just my hubby. Running away to Vegas by myself for a weekend. But, as I get older I realize that the emotioanl health of myself and my marriage are key to my happiness as well as my children’s happiness. I must take care of myself and my marriage in order to be the best wife and mother that I can be. My happiness is key to the success and happiness of my family. Whether it is hard to admit or not, it is true.
So here I am, staring at the beautiful Nevada desert, missing my family more that I thought possible, and reveling in the peace of the moment. Feeling proud of myself for recognizing what I needed, speaking up and taking action. Soaking up the gratitude that I feel for my husband who pushed me out the door, for my children who bring sunshine to every day and for the ability to run away and find myself.
Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: make time to be all by yourself!