Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Archive for January, 2012

My Sexy Experiment With “The 4 Hour Body”!

I want to supercede this post by letting you know that I am not trying to be tawdry in any way, but I do feel that sex is a vital part of a healthy marriage.  So I can’t help but feel the need to share with you how date night went for me this week.  In one word, Unforgettable!

My husband is a big fan of Tim Ferriss, author of the “4 Hour Workweek”.  He talks about it all the time and asked for the extended audiobook for Christmas.   So when he told me that Tim Ferriss had come out with a new book called the “The 4 Hour Body”, I knew I needed to get it for him.

I came across it a few weeks ago while shopping.  It is enormous!   It would cause some serious damage if you were hit over the head with it.  I thought about putting it back on the shelf and walking away.  I mean, who wants to read that many pages on exercise and nutrition?  No thanks!  But, before I put it back I read the front cover and table of contents.   There is a whole chapter about improving sex.  I thought, “Okay this could be interesting.” So I bought it for the hubby.

Since the night I brought it home, a couple of weeks ago, Hubby has been reading it every day.  He is completely hooked.

Tim Ferriss is an interesting man.  He is a  master at self experimentation.  His book has very detailed descriptions on how to get the body that you desire with tried and true testimony from Tim himself.  It is fascinating really.

My husband wanted me to read a particular chapter that he found really interesting on using kettlebells in your exercise routine.  I had never even heard of a kettlebell, but I enjoyed the chapter enough to flip through the rest of the book to look at the other chapter titles.

There is a whole chapter on improving sex complete  with very detailed pictures, and that night just so happened to be date night.  Perfect!

So our date night consisted of my husband reading, out loud to me, that particular chapter.  But it wasn’t enough just to read it, we needed to test the theories.

Without going into too much detail, let me just say we had a wonderful date night. It was sexy, sweet, and highly surprising.  Unlike anything we have ever done before.

Don’t get me wrong, our sex life is awesome!  I am often shocked that after all these years I can still feel the passion that I do for my husband.  Neither of us feel lacking in any way.  However, what I learned from reading this book, and trying out the methods, is that there is always room for improvement.  How wonderful a feeling to realize that we love each other enough to want to get better at loving each other.  To try new positions, to talk about it, to make myself unbelievably vulnerable. It all served to bring us  closer.

In fact the next day, all I could think about was what happened the night before.  A little unusual for me.

I also learned that if Tim Ferriss was right about his sex theories, maybe I should pay attention to the other chapters.  I better run out and get those kettlebells, right now!

I strongly recommend to all couples, to try something new in the bedroom (or somewhere different for a change.)   Try a new position, a new technique, get a book, talk, get comfortable saying what you like and don’t like, and improve your skills.  Sex should never be boring.  It should always have an element of connection, passion and newness.

If you are needing a little spark in the bedroom or you are just feeling a little adventurous, I recommend picking up a copy of this book and head right to the chapter on improving sex.

Practice makes perfect!  Have fun.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  Practice, practice, practice!

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What Happens in Vegas . . .

I have escaped to Sin City.   You know the lights, the shows, the alcohol, the bad decisions?  Isn’t that what Vegas is all about?

Not for me.   I am miles from the strip,  with a stack of old movies, a plentiful supply of diet pepsi and enjoying absolute serenity.  I have run away to spend two days all by myself in a little condo at the base of Red Rock Canyon.

Why, you might ask?  I was desperate.  Quite literally desperate.  There are those times  in ones life when you must recognize the moment you are on the brink of loosing your mind.   If you don’t get a second of peace you are going to permanently turn into the Tasmanian Devil, destroying everything in your path.

It seems, in recent weeks, I have felt an unbearable feeling of being overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted.  Turning to tears for no apparant reason.  Snapping at my unsuspecting children while they stare wide eyed at what was once  their patient mother.  Let’s just say, a string of events and illnesses have taken their toll.   Sometimes, everything becomes too much.

One day, while sharing this with my husband, thru my tears, I  said, “I need a break.”  Those were not easy words to say outloud, but I did.

I need a few moments all to myself, to pull myself together and find my breath again.  Where no one needs me, or expects anything from me.  Where I can finish a magazine in one sitting.  Where I can make a choice based on what I want.  Where I can take a shower without interruption.

What????  Was I crazy?

According to my husband, I wasn’t.  He agreed.  He has watched as the patience and kindness that usually comes  easy to me, slowly came unraveled.  He said, “You’re right.  You do need a break.”

So we scheduled “me” time on the calendar.  I was to get a couple of days all to myself!  It felt like a dream.

But as the day came around for me to leave, I felt incredibly guilty.  How could I do this?  What was I going to do?  What would people think?

My bag was packed and I was ready to go, but my very dear friend Guilt, made it so hard to walk thru the door.  My husband had to practically push me to the car.

The second I pulled away from the house, though, I knew I had made the right decision.  I needed this.  A mini vacation for me.  To sleep, to walk, to write, to watch movies, to read.   To find the energy and passion that has eluded me for the last few months.

I realize that, to  some, I might sound like a very selfish person.  Going on a cruise with just my hubby.  Running away to Vegas by myself for a weekend.  But, as I get older I realize that the emotioanl health of myself and my marriage are key to my happiness as well as my children’s happiness.  I must take care of myself and my marriage in order to be the best wife and mother that I can be.   My happiness is key to the success and happiness of my family.  Whether it is hard to admit or not, it is true.

So here I am, staring at the beautiful Nevada desert, missing my family more that I thought possible, and reveling in the peace of the moment.  Feeling proud of myself  for recognizing what I needed, speaking up and taking action.   Soaking up the gratitude that I feel for my husband who pushed me out the door, for my children who bring sunshine to every day and for the ability to run away and find myself.

Today’s lesson in improving my marriage:  make time to be all by yourself!

 

They Are Separating!

My husband and I have some very dear friends.  It is a couple that we met a long time ago when we were working at a camp.  We have been friends for at least 10 years.  Maybe you have friends like these.  They are the friends that have a child about the same age as our daughter.  They have a similar career path as we do.  We have rented summer condo’s together, gone to Disneyland,  had endless sleepovers for the kids. We have so much in common.   They have been a staple in our lives.  We adore them and have considered them our best friends for years.

Two weeks ago, I found out they were separating.  I had known that they were having a rough time, for a long time. I guess in the back of my mind I knew that they might not make it, but when the words were  said out loud, I was in shock.  Devastated actually.

How could this be?  I was crushed for them and for their little girl.  I know this decision did not come lightly and that they had done everything that they felt possible, to try to improve the marriage.

Here I was, staring at my dear friend, trying to pick my jaw up off of the floor and swallow back tears that were fighting to surface. 

Then inevitably, I started to think about me. I know, it is selfish, but I couldn’t help it.   How was this going to effect our friendship?  It was going to change the entire dynamic of it.  We were couple friends, if that makes sense.  We always did things together as families.  Is this going to reduce our friendship to only seeing one of them at a time for events that only involve the children?  Birthdays and pool parties?  I don’t know.  We haven’t talked about it. 

Actually, my girlfriend hasn’t talked to me about it at all yet.  It is too fresh and too painful.  I can understand that.  I will be here when she is ready.

The day I found out about their separation I looked at my husband from a different perspective.  After the news I looked and him and was overwhelmed with emotion.  I couln’t imagine my life without him.  I suddenly had this renewed commitment to put my marriage first.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying that my friends didn’t do that.  I do not know the inner workings of their marriage and their situation is certainly not for me to judge.  Marriage is hard, and sometimes truly unfixable.  I get that. 

But life is full of lessons.   I cannot watch my friends go through the unimaginable without taking away a life lesson for myself. 

I have learned a lot about my marriage this past year.  The most important thing I have learned is that it requires constant nurturing.   The moments that I start to put it in second place are the times that we struggle most. 

 I like to think that I am on the path to  longevity in my marriage and I am reminded to do everything in my power to never reach the place where things are unfixable.

Sending love to my dear friends.  May you find the strength you need to get through this very difficult time.

Todays lesson in improving my marriage: Nurture it.