Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Run Away With Me

Last December I learned the value taking some time away with my husband.  Amongst the madness of the holiday season, my husband and I put it all aside for 5 days and  ran away together.  We went on a cruise to Cabo San Lucas.   Just the two of us.

For some parents this might seem unheard of,  wrong in their eyes even.  To leave the kids behind for 5 days and be completely selfish.  I have to admit, I felt incredibly guilty at first.  Something that comes rather easy to me, guilt. 

Heading off to have a wonderful time without the kiddos, during the busiest time of the year, leaving work, kids, dog  and responsibility in the very capable and willing hands of our parents.  It was too selfish right?  Definitely!  But, I did it anyway.

Last year at this time, my husband and I were not in the greatest place.  It had been a long year of trying to find our way back to connection, romance, wanting to fall in love again.  It had been a struggle.  Probably the toughest year of our marriage.  We felt desperate for time away together.  I couldn’t wait to get him away from his phone and computer and he couldn’t wait to have the attention that I usually devoted to the kids, all to himself.

Let me tell you the great thing about a cruise.  There is no distractions.  No where to go.  No schedule to adhere too (unless you are like me and can’t resist being a spectator at  the Hairy Chest Competition.  I had to see that one for my own eyes!) No computer.  No cell phone. Ok well, they have these, it just costs a small fortune to use them.  This was one time that my husband’s desire to save every penny completely worked to my benefit.

The days on the cruise are filled with sunshine, endless ocean, romantic dinners, delicious food and peace and quiet.  Maybe if you have been on a cruise you would not agree, but for us, it was sheer magic.  Five whole days of magic.

It was during that time that I remembered all of those things that I love about my husband.  All those things that are so hard to find in the normal day-to-day life.  Between kids, fatigue, work, obligations, it is easy to lose sight. 

Suddenly, I have his complete attention.  We stared at each other over dessert.  We laughed.  We watched the sunset.  We watched endless movies.  We held each other and watched the ocean outside of our balcony. We had more sex than we had in the last 2 months put together.  We, quite literally, couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.  Who were these people? 

 We fell in love . . . again.

It, quite honestly, put us back on track.  It was there that we vowed to make our marriage first again.  To take important steps to make sure that some of that magic that we found on the high seas, lasted all year. 

Guess what!  It did.  This was the best year in the life of our marriage.   Amid all of the chaos of health issues, surgeries, family illness, children, insane work schedules, travel, we held it together like never before.  Don’t get me wrong, this year took a lot of day-to-day work to maintain the connection.  Five days in heaven can’t make a marriage last, but it definitely doesn’t hurt.

We believed so much in the power of the cruise, that we did it again this year.  This month we cashed in our American Express bonus points and headed back to Cabo.  Again, magic.  I feel ready to tackle a new year with my husband by my side.  We  found passion, connection, romance.  It is a beautiful thing.

Now, I do realize that  a cruise is not necessarily an easy thing to run off and do  for many people.  I happen to live by 2 major cruise ship ports.  That, however, is not the point. The point is to find your way back to each other by leaving everything  else behind.  Even if just for a couple of days.  Whatever you can manage. 

Don’t think I am an awful person for leaving behind the kids while I go have the time of my life.  We do a family vacation every year as well, but I belive that my husband and I have started a new  tradition of an annual lovers vacation.  Ok sounds corny, but whatever.  That is what it is.  A journey back to love.  And it is awesome!!!

Today’s lesson to a better marriage:  Run away together


Comments on: "Run Away With Me" (12)

  1. I love this post!! People used to give me that look, “you’re a bad mom” … because you put your kids last. And for many years I felt guilty about it, but not anymore.

    Marriage is the foundation of the family; it needs to be secure and solid … or the very thing it supports (family) will crumble, “and down will come baby, cradle and all.”

    Also, in psychology they tell you that you have to, ‘get yourself well’ before you can help anyone else … and we don’t see this as selfish, we see it as doing what is … necessary. Further, in emergency training such as boating, they advise parents to outfit themselves first BEFORE helping children … because if you are sinking yourself, you cannot help anyone.

    Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that kids shouldn’t be tended to or taken care of. Its just that when you get cracks in the foundation, its only a matter of time before it affects the whole house.

    Thanks for the reminder!

  2. I love reading a post like this. It not only gives me hope, but also reminds me that what we go through is what others go through as well. I’ve been married for almost 21 years, but a year ago, I wasn’t confident we were going to successfully make it to 20 years. We, too, were in a bad place. And quite frankly, I didn’t think we could come back from it.

    Thankfully, luckily, miraculously, my wife wouldn’t accept that and pushed me. And then we turned the corner and came back from the abyss.

    We’d forgotten how to talk to each other. We’d forgotten how to listen to each other. We’d forgotten how to touch each other.

    Now we know how to do all that again. And, like you, we went away for a while to spend time just with each other. And we realized exactly how much we still love each other and how much fun we can have.

    Thanks for this post.

    (by the way, I’m a regular reader of your blog, but I didn’t necessarily want to identify myself…sorry for the “anonymous” tag)

    • I am sorry it has taken me a while to comment. I have been offline for a few weeks. Congrats on making it to 21 years. That is such an amazing accomplishment. I look forward to reaching that milestone myself. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and comment. Happy 2012.

  3. Tammy, I think you said it perfectly in this post, and Robyn confirmed it: Taking care of your marriage is probably the best thing you can do to take care of your kids. For some reason, though, it’s always easier to tell someone else that and really believe it. When we try to put those words into action ourselves, the guilt inevitably creeps in. I’m glad you were motivated enough to go on the cruise, and that you had such a great time.

    • Sorry, I didn’t reply sooner. Thank you so much for taking the time to visit me. Guilt is definitely part of my nature. It is so nice to hear from other bloggers that I am not alone. That other people experience the same things that I do. Happy 2012!

  4. LOVE this!! I don’t have any kids yet, but this still rings true for a busy couple. Sometimes, you have to leave it all behind so that you can fall in love again!

  5. Congratulations, Tammy. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Thanks for being so candid about your marriage and sharing your insight. You can find out more on my blog: http://seasonalsunshine.wordpress.com/
    Best, Sarah

    • I get surprised that people not only read my blog but actually like it! It is so kind of you to recognize my blog and the message that I am trying to get across. You absolutely made my day! Thank you!

  6. This was a wonderful post to read. My parents took trips just them 2, and we loved that they did that because we know how much they love each other. When we got older and started making money, we would surprise them with getaways for their anniversary; we still love doing that and knowing we can give them a little bit of one-on-one time. They deserve it, just like you and your husband deserve it. Happy to hear 2011 was the best year yet – I hope 2012 tops it! 🙂

    • It is nice to hear that as children you knew how much your parents loved each other. I hope my children feel the love between my husband and I. I appreciate your kind words. I hope this year is even better as well. Happy new year to you too!

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