Sometimes things come up in life that seem to push the work you’re doing on your marriage back a little. That is what October has done for me.
It was a long and exhausting month. We had a death in the family. I had surgery. That along with work, children and family commitments has put a slight damper on the connection I feel with my husband. Nothing too major, but enough to start to bug me.
Here is what I know; the less sex I have the less sex I desire and in turn the opposite is true. This has been a month on the lesser side. It is understandable why it has been hard to find moments of intimacy, but the truth is, the longer I go without sex, the harder it is for me to build up the desire. It seems to get easier to just let another night slide by without connecting, than working up the energy to try to find the desire. Maybe I am the only one that goes through this. I am not sure. But, nonetheless, it is the truth.
Here is what I also know; I cannot let this continue. It must be nipped in the bud now.
Every couple goes through hard times. Death, loss of a job, moving, birth of a child, illness, etc… All these things take their toll.
For me, it is key that the moment that we start to feel disconnected, we have to take steps to get the connection back. I have learned, in the past, that if I let these slumps go by for too long it gets harder and harder to find my way back.
Step one was making sure we had date night last night. I have to admit that it wasn’t the perfect date night. We both had good intentions (candlelight and soft music) but things were slightly off, if you know what I mean. Nevertheless, what is most important, to me, is that the effort is there. As long as we are both working towards getting back on track, I know that we will get there.
Step two is making effort to connect throughout the day. If I get an impulse to kiss or hug my husband I do it. A long kiss in the kitchen. Sneaking into his office for a hug. Little things like that really add up. Something as simple as sending a text that says “I am thinking of you” makes me feel closer to my husband.
Step three will be to have sex as often as possible. Even if I am not really in the mood. For me, the more sex I have, the more desire I have and in turn the more connected I feel. It does my relationship absolutely no good if I continue to put off opportunities to be together. There is nothing more healing than a couple of really great “rolls in the hay” (ok, we don’t really have hay, but you know what I mean)
Marriage is work. It takes effort and energy to make sure that you reconnect. If you think about a couple that you admire and aspire to be like, I guarantee they have put in blood, sweat and tears to make that marriage work (ok, maybe not the blood, but you get the idea.)
Today’s lesson to a better marriage: Make sure you give the time and energy needed to reconnect.
What challenges have you had this past month?