Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Time Away is Good

Here is something that I have learned from being married for 13 years. . . Time away is good.

I remember when we first got married, my husband would travel a lot.  I would whine about it.   I hated him traveling.  I didn’t want to be left alone.  I would make him feel bad when he had to leave.  I just didn’t handle it well at all.

Fast forward 13 years and things have changed a little.  Now, I actually enjoy time away from my husband.   You know the saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder?”  For me, that is true.

I have learned that, in my marriage, some time apart is wonderful.  Difficult, but wonderful.   I am not talking long spans of time away.  I am talking several days, a week maybe.  Beyond that it gets really hard.

I enjoy the time on my own, when the kids go down.  The peace and quiet.  The ability to watch whatever shows I want on TV.  I watch chick flicks and think of him.  I get things done that, for some reason, when he is around I can’t get done.  I enjoy the time apart.  I savor missing him.

My husband has been out of town for the last 5 days.  I miss him dearly.  I  have a renewed appreciation for the things he does on a regular basis that I take for granted.  The moment he left one of the toilets overflowed for no apparent reason, the batteries in the alarm had to be changed, the change oil light in my car came on and  the trash bins had to be taken out.  I know it is very sterotypical, but these are things my husband would normally take care of.  Yes, I am capable of handling things on my own, and I did (Except for the toilet.  Sorry baby, I was at a loss there), but I miss having him around to help with the “manly” things.

More than that, I just miss seeing his face.  Watching TV with him.  Snuggling on the couch.  Late night talks.  Date night.  His presence in a room. His hugs. His flirting. His smell.  Knowing he is next to me in bed.

One of the best things about him being away is the anticipation of his return.  For the countdown of hours till his plane lands.

I can’t wait to see him.  To wrap my arms around him.  To feel that safety that I feel when he is here.  To give him a big smootch. To see his smile.

When he is on his way back from a trip everything feels kind of new again.  I feel young and giddy and silly.  Almost like when you are waiting for a date when a relationship is new.  The first hug and kiss. It is wonderful.  I am filled with a renewed love and appreciation for the man I have spent nearly my entire life with.

Yeah, all of the anticipation and good feelings don’t last long.  Soon things are back to normal.  Kids, work, chaos. But for a little while things are new again.  Fresh and full of appreciation.   That is always a good thing in a marriage.

I highly recommend a little time away so you can feel more connected 🙂

Welcome home baby!




Comments on: "Time Away is Good" (4)

  1. In the past I wasn’t always the best husband. When I’d go on a business trip, I’d leave my wife with little money, no transportation, and two kids. It was a different time in our lives and I wish that I could go back and do that differently.

    It’s understandable that when I have to leave for work related trip for more than one night away… that she get’s very nervous. I have done my best to make it easier on her and I came up with this list of Do’s and Dont’s when you have to leave your spouse:

    THE DO’s:

    1) Check in often – Call your spouse a few times per day to say hello and that you miss them. For me this is like touching home base. Don’t just talk about the logistical stuff (what did the kids eat?), but talk about whats happening in both of your lives.

    2) Take care of your spouse’s needs – Make sure your spouse at home has everything they need before you leave. Men, make sure your wife has enough cash on hand and transportation. Ladies, make sure your husband have enough food and clear instructions (if needed) on how to run the household.

    3) Update your spouse – Let your spouse know when you’re getting on the plane, when you land, and when you arrive at your destination. Traveling is stressful, not only for you, but also for your spouse. Let them know that you are okay and you made it to the next part of your trip.

    4) Be understanding – Your spouse is left to do things that you normally do around the house, and they may not do them exactly the same way you do. With that in mind, show your appreciation for any amount of effort your spouse puts in at home while you’re away.

    THE DON’Ts

    1) Don’t brag – While it’s normal to enjoy yourself while you are away, don’t call your spouse to tell them what their missing out on. They might be at home taking care of the kids, they don’t need to hear “Woo Hoo!” in the background while you’re at the dance club. If circumstances were different, your spouse would be able to be there with you. So don’t rub it in, it’s cruel.

    2) Don’t ignore your spouse – When your spouse calls you, give them your full attention. Things can happen at home and you may be needed to make a quick decision. Don’t blow off your spouse and say something like “Don’t bother me unless it’s life of death…”

    3) Don’t leave angry – Those moments leading up to your trip can sometimes be awkward and tense. Don’t fight with your spouse just before you leave. If you do, call quickly and apologize.

    4) Don’t relax immediately when you get home – Men, don’t come home and leave the unpacking for your wife to do. When you walk in the door, be prepared to offer your help to whatever needs to be done in the house, and then relax WITH your wife later.

    With enough practice… you can create that “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” feeling in your at-home spouse. Instead of them feeling that you have an “Out of Sight…Out of Mind” mentality.

    Thanks for the article Tammy!

  2. I agree! I went on a business trip this summer, and when I came back, the hubby and I were so happy to see each other… that it kind of made the being away from each other worth it. 🙂 ‘Course, I wouldn’t want to make a habit of it. But once in awhile, I think it is good to get away…

    • I agree. Making a habit of it is not really the point, but sometimes it is a great thing. Makes me feel that much more grateful for when he is here and how much I appreciate him. Thank you for the comment.

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