Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Archive for October, 2011

Bringing Sexy Back

Here is what I know for sure.  Life is a constant lesson in progress.  This week I want to focus on a touchy subject, weight.  My weight to be specific.

As many people I know, (now that I think about it, all of the people I know) weight is a constant issue and focus. At any given time, I am either feeling bad about my weight, trying to lose pregnancy weight (for the last 4 years), trying to maintain weight, battling lack of motivation, or  I am trying to suppress a severe lack of desire to excercise.

Sound familiar?

This year I put back on the 8 lbs I lost last year.  To some that will sound like a lot, to some very little.  For me, it is a lot.  Really, it is not even about the scale.  I am not so much into focusing on reaching a certain number. What matters to me is how I feel.

How do I feel lately?  Not so great.  I have let some things go this year, and it shows.

So here is the question, what does my weight have to do with my marriage?  Well, a lot.

I have the sweetest husband.  He is full of compliments.  Always tells me how beautiful I am or how sexy he thinks I am.   He seems to desire me regardless of what the scale shows.   Baffling sometimes, to be honest. How he can think my ass is sexy when I think of it as my worst features is beyond me.  I am grateful nonetheless.

Much to his dismay, no matter how much he compliments me, it doesn’t change how I feel about myself.  My confidence comes from within and even though I value what he says, so much, I know that what is most important is how I feel about myself.

Earlier this year.  I felt good.  I was exercising regularly, eating well (not dieting, just making good choices).  I felt good in my clothes and when I looked in the mirror.    All of this equates to confidence which equates to a much sexier wife.  There is nothing hotter to my husband than when I feel good about myself.   I am more playful. I don’t try to hide certain parts of my body as I hustle, naked, to the shower.  I flaunt and flirt.

Not sexy, is when I try to walk backwards so as not to show my backside, or when I sweetly negate every complement my husband throws my way.

It is not a number.  It is a feeling.

I believe in the saying, “love the skin you’re in.”  But, I also believe that in order to love that skin, you must take care of it and do what makes you feel good about yourself.  For me, I feel much more confident when I eat right and move.

I think that we all know that place where we feel our best.   Whether it is 10 lbs heavier, 30 lbs lighter, a size 12, fitting back into those pre-pregnancy jeans, or right where you are at.  Wherever that is, is where we want to be.

So why do most of us have such a hard time getting to that place?  I don’t know.  I think it is a conspiracy from the fast food places to make their french fries completely irresistible and by Dove chocolate to cleverly sweet talk its way into my pantry.

It is time to find my way back to the girl who feels good about her body.  That puts priority on what makes her feel more confident  in herself.  That wants to dance naked in the daylight and strut confidently by my husband’s adoring eyes, bare butt and all.

There will always be things that I don’t particularly care for about my body.  We all have those body parts that we would seriously consider trading in, if given the chance.  But it is my body, for better or worse.  So I might as well make the best of it.

I want my sexy back.  My husband will thank me for it.  Not because I am lighter or fitter, but because I am more confident in my self.

I have always worked well with taking things one step at a time.  Small changes equate to big changes if you stick to them over long periods of time.  Step one for me is to move!  Just exercising for 20 – 30 minutes a day a few days a week does a world of difference for my confidence.  My mood is better and I feel sexier and more confident in myself.

Time to strap on those tennis shoes and get this body moving again!  Any type of movement, at this point will do.

I will report back and let you know how it is going.

In the meantime, what do you do to take care of your body?  How does your confidence affect your marriage?

Marriage Lesson for Today – Take care of your body. Your confidence and marriage will thank you for it.

Tammy

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Lose Yourself

A friend of mine was over at my house crying the other day.  She was talking about her marriage, how it is not what she wants it to be.  She shared about her teenage son and how he can be so awful to her.  I felt sad for her.  She was overwhelmed and lost.

One thing she said really rang true for me.  She said, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Boy, don’t I know that feeling.

From the outside, my life looks perfect.  My friends view me and my life through rose-colored glasses.

Don’t get me wrong.  I live a great life. I have everything a girl could want, but that certainly doesn’t mean I have always been happy.

A couple of years ago, I felt just as my friend, lost.  Completely unaware of who I was anymore.  I was buried in being a wife and mother.   I don’t mean that in a bad way, I just mean it was all I knew.  It was how I defined myself.  I think it tends to be a common thread with the women I know.  We give everything to our families and kids and have little or nothing left over for ourselves.  Every ounce of my energy was devoted to them.  I completely forgot who I was.

That is what I signed on for.  I was committed to being the best Mom and Wife I could be. But what I didn’t realize was, in the process I had lost sight of me.   I couldn’t tell you what I liked, what passions I had, what made me happy (aside from my family), what  dreams I had for myself.  I had no idea.    I was unhappy, frustrated and lost.

I realized a couple of years ago, that had to change.  If I wasn’t taking care of myself, I certainly wasn’t doing a service to my family.

I decided that I needed to find a passion.  Something for me.  I thought about things that I wanted to learn. Cooking was the first thing that came to mind.  I am a very average cook.  I can follow a recipe, but beyond that I know very little.  When I shared my desire to learn to cook with my sister, she shared that she had the same desire.  Not surprising.  My sister didn’t know how to boil noodles.  We decided to enlist our Mom (who frankly, hates to cook) and learn to cook together.

So, for the last year and a half we have had regular cooking nights once or twice a month. We enjoyed it so much that we started filming our cooking and posting recipes.  We call it     3 Women 3 Dishes http://3women3dishes.blogspot.com/   .  It has become a fun bonding time for the three of us. We burn things, under-cook, over-cook, put in too much salt, forget ingredients, splatter the entire kitchen with oil, and we have a blast.  I get time away from the kids to pursue something that has become a passion and I get to hang out with the two most important women in my life.

Once I started doing this for myself, I began to have a new perspective.  I started to figure out what I liked and what made me happy and, most importantly, make time for it.  I began to feel like I, personally, had something to offer this world.

What else did I want to explore about myself?  Earlier this year I started taking guitar lessons.  Something I had always wanted to do.  I started jogging and realized I really like that too.  I started blogging and fulfilling a passion of writing.

I was lost, but I am on a path to finding myself.  I assume it is a lifelong journey and that is okay with me.  As long I as I am present for it.

I am no longer just defined as a Mom or a Wife, but as Tammy. I am  wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, average cook, beginning guitarist, sometimes jogger, dancer, reader, writer, lover, listener, dreamer, trier of new things, lover of old things, good person, who deserves good things.  I am me.

I still give everything I have to my kids and my husband, but I always try to save just a little piece for myself too.   And trust me, we are all happier because of it.

Todays lesson in improving my marriage : I am worth it!

Tammy

I Am Glad to be Here

There is nothing like having to have a terrifying procedure done, at the hospital, to throw your life in perspective.  This past Thursday, I had a procedure done called a Catheter Ablation for SVT and AFIB.  Basically, that means my heart would go crazy on me.  It would beat out of rhythm and far too fast.

My doctor called this a fairly common and low risk procedure.  Ok, easy for her to say.  She was not the one that would be on the table.

She was going to mess with my heart.  The idea of anyone getting near my heart, skilled or not, was very scary.

One of the most terrifying moments was having to sign the consent form.  Risks of procedure; permanent pacemaker, collapsed lung, punctured heart, heart attack, stroke . . . death!  It made me shake with nervousness when I held the pen.

I knew this was the best option for me though.  People with AFib are 30% more likely to have a stroke and when I had an “episode” I was miserable.  It was this, or remain on medication for the rest of my life.  Medication that had side effects that made me feel awful.  I am young.  I hope the rest of my life to be a very long time, so surgery it was.

Even though I know I shouldn’t have, I couldn’t help but think of the worst case scenario.  I thought about what would happen should I not come out of this procedure. What would happen to my husband, my children?  The idea of my babies growing up without me was beyond  what I could fathom.  How tragic that would be.  That is not something that you ever get over.  I cried thinking of it.  I cried thinking of how much I would miss.

I was extra attentive the couple of days before the procedure.  Said extra ‘I love you’s’, gave more hugs, spent more time hanging out at bedtime.  Should this be my last days, I wanted to make sure that my family never questioned my love for them.

I know, overly dramatic, for sure, but I just couldn’t help it.

The night before my surgery my daughter cried and said, “I don’t want you to go.”  She must have sensed my fear.  She hugged me extra tight and extra long.

That night I took extra care in making sure my husband knew I loved him.  He knew I was scared.  He hugged me and told me everything will be alright.  Four very powerful words indeed.

That is one of the perks of a good marriage.  There is always someone there, when you need him most, to tell you that it is going to be alright.  To balance out your fears with calm reason.  To hold your hand when you are frightened.

Obviously, the procedure went well.  Time will tell if my AFIB has been cured.  My husband was strong when the doctors wheeled me away from him that morning.  He gave me a big kiss and said, “I will see you soon.”  He didn’t look worried, which helped me be calm.

When I saw him 7 hours later, after I left the recovery, he came in my room and cried in relief.  He had been worried, he just didn’t want to show me that he was.  He wanted to be my rock.  It was so incredibly sweet.

When I came home from the hospital, I wasn’t supposed to use the stairs, so he carried me up the stairs and put me in bed.

I was overwhelmed with gratitude.   For my sister who watched the kids.  For my sweet children who were so happy I was home.  For my amazing husband who carried me to bed.

How lucky I am to be on this beautiful planet today!

Tammy

Time Away is Good

Here is something that I have learned from being married for 13 years. . . Time away is good.

I remember when we first got married, my husband would travel a lot.  I would whine about it.   I hated him traveling.  I didn’t want to be left alone.  I would make him feel bad when he had to leave.  I just didn’t handle it well at all.

Fast forward 13 years and things have changed a little.  Now, I actually enjoy time away from my husband.   You know the saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder?”  For me, that is true.

I have learned that, in my marriage, some time apart is wonderful.  Difficult, but wonderful.   I am not talking long spans of time away.  I am talking several days, a week maybe.  Beyond that it gets really hard.

I enjoy the time on my own, when the kids go down.  The peace and quiet.  The ability to watch whatever shows I want on TV.  I watch chick flicks and think of him.  I get things done that, for some reason, when he is around I can’t get done.  I enjoy the time apart.  I savor missing him.

My husband has been out of town for the last 5 days.  I miss him dearly.  I  have a renewed appreciation for the things he does on a regular basis that I take for granted.  The moment he left one of the toilets overflowed for no apparent reason, the batteries in the alarm had to be changed, the change oil light in my car came on and  the trash bins had to be taken out.  I know it is very sterotypical, but these are things my husband would normally take care of.  Yes, I am capable of handling things on my own, and I did (Except for the toilet.  Sorry baby, I was at a loss there), but I miss having him around to help with the “manly” things.

More than that, I just miss seeing his face.  Watching TV with him.  Snuggling on the couch.  Late night talks.  Date night.  His presence in a room. His hugs. His flirting. His smell.  Knowing he is next to me in bed.

One of the best things about him being away is the anticipation of his return.  For the countdown of hours till his plane lands.

I can’t wait to see him.  To wrap my arms around him.  To feel that safety that I feel when he is here.  To give him a big smootch. To see his smile.

When he is on his way back from a trip everything feels kind of new again.  I feel young and giddy and silly.  Almost like when you are waiting for a date when a relationship is new.  The first hug and kiss. It is wonderful.  I am filled with a renewed love and appreciation for the man I have spent nearly my entire life with.

Yeah, all of the anticipation and good feelings don’t last long.  Soon things are back to normal.  Kids, work, chaos. But for a little while things are new again.  Fresh and full of appreciation.   That is always a good thing in a marriage.

I highly recommend a little time away so you can feel more connected 🙂

Welcome home baby!

Tammy

 

Life Is Precious

My cousin was found dead in her apartment this morning.  Wow!  It is hard to grasp that reality.   I am incredibly sad for her mother, for her sister.   I find it impossible to fathom the depths of their shock and their pain.  I am sad for unspoken words, unfinished business, unfulfilled dreams.

Such news makes one ponder their own life and those things that are precious to me.  It reminds me how very fragile life is.  How very precious each and every moment is.

It fills my soul, not only with sadness, but also with tremendous gratitude today.  For my husband, children, family and friends.  I am reminded how easily one’s life can be turned upside down.  That it only takes a single instant and everything that you once knew and loved could be taken away.

I am the kind of person that worries all the time.  I worry for my husband and children’s safety constantly.  The moment my husband walks out the door, I say a little prayer that he will arrive where he is going safely.  I am a worst case scenario kind of girl.  There is no tragedy that my imagination has not played out.

Even though my worry extends to every member of my family, this blog is about my marriage,  so I feel the need to focus on my husband for a moment.  To send out a few words of gratitude his way.

Husband, I am forever grateful for you.  Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  For standing with me.  For listening to me.  For being silly.  For supporting me.  For making me laugh. For raising a family with me.  For being an amazing father. For loving me with unwavering devotion.  For growing with me.  For building a future with me.  For being, without question, my very best friend.  I love you more that words could ever fully express.  I know I have said it to you, but it doesn’t hurt to say it over and over to make certain that you would never question my love for you.  Thank you for being my forever partner.

Have you said those important words to your spouse today?  I know most of us let many days go by without expressing our love and gratitude to each other.  But, death reminds us to not take for granted those who are most dear to us.  To make sure they know how you feel.  To say it out loud.  To forgive.  To hug. To say “I love you.”  To say, “Thank you.”

Life is precious.  Moments are dear.  We should seize this very moment.  Fill our hearts with gratitude for all things cherished.  Share your gratitude with those you treasure.

In memory of you, Robyn.

Tammy