Learning to fight better, accept more, appreciate daily and stay in love with my husband

Do You Sleep Together?

I was flipping through one of my magazines this morning while enjoying a moment of peace over my oatmeal.  I came across an article on how couples sleep together.    Do they go to sleep at the same time, share the same bed, do they sleep cuddled together or facing away from each other?  What does the way we sleep say about us as a couple?

This was interesting to me.  Movies show us that a couple who is in love is spooned together in bed or the woman is sleeping on the man’s chest.  Sweet right?  This is what love looks like… right?

Wrong!  At least in my marriage, this is not the case.  But, I have always felt a little guilty about the sleeping habits in my marriage.

My husband and I are very different in more ways than I can count, but one of our major differences is in our sleeping habits.  He is a late night guy, I struggle to keep my eyes open past 10:30.  I wake up at the faintest noise, he sleeps through 5.5 magnitude earthquakes.  I have nightmares often, he rarely dreams at all.  He sleeps on his stomach, I sleep on my side.   He falls asleep 2 seconds after his head hits the pillow, it takes me 15 minutes to get in sleep mode.  I need at least 8 hours to function well, he can easily function on 5 hours of shut-eye.

Sleep is vital to me.  I am not a nice person when I don’t get my sleep.

Because of the fact that I am a light sleeper, falling asleep all cuddled together is just not for me.  If I am not positioned just so, I am uncomfortable and sleep eludes me.  Sorry, baby!

Thankfully my husband understands.  It doesn’t bother him.  To make up for it, I let him fall asleep holding my hand or with his arm drapped over me, but the second he is asleep (literally in seconds) I turn away and get cozy.

Does this mean our relationship is bad? That we are not as intimate as we could be?    I think the contrary.   Respecting each other needs is vital.  I respect his need to feel close to me and he respects my need to get a good nights sleep.

Really, it is for his own good.  Heaven help the household with an un-rested Mama.  If Mama is tired, everybody look out!!!

Intimacy is a huge part of our relationship, just not while we are sleeping.  It works for us.

This made me curious about what works for other couples.  Are sleeping arrangements a problem in your marriage or have you figured a system that works for both of you?  One that meets each other’s needs, but keeps you connected?

Just curious.



Comments on: "Do You Sleep Together?" (8)

  1. Tammy,

    We have a system that works for us for now. My wife usually needs the TV on in order to fall asleep. So that is the time we cuddle up. I usually run my fingers through her hair or rub her head…which soothes her right to sleep.

    Meanwhile… I watch the rest of the show because I cannot let a show go unfinished. When it’s over I turn off the TV and then we both sleep on our sides.

    Unfortunately I can’t face in her direction because I wear a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea. If I face her… it will blow cold air on her.

    So right now I’m working on dropping a much needed 35 lbs so that I can breathe at night without the machine. I would very much like to sleep with my arms around her instead.

    Thanks for the topic!

    • Thank you so much for your reply. It must feel very frustrating to have to wear that machine at night. I wish you the very best in dropping the weight so you can snuggle up 🙂 Hope to hear back from you when you have reached your goal and can ditch the machine. Good Luck!!!!

  2. This is SO true! 🙂 My hubby and I usually start the night all cuddled together… But when it’s really time to go to sleep, I shift to the left and he shifts to the right. And we cuddle with our pillows instead. Lol. It doesn’t mean we love each other any less. We’re just being practical and realizing that we’ll sleep much better this way. 🙂

  3. We definitely have a sleeping routine. My husband is a musician, so there are plenty of nights that he gets home after a gig or rehearsal well after the time I’ve gone to bed. Most nights I’m a light sleeper and if he makes enough noise coming in, or touches me, it wakes me up and I have trouble getting back to sleep. So he knows to be extra-quiet when he comes home late.

    On nights that we go to sleep at the same time, we do cuddle, at least while we are falling asleep. During the night, I change my position a lot and I usually wake up hanging precariously close to the edge of the bed. We had a king-sized bed on our honeymoon (as opposed to our double bed at home) and I hated it because I’d lose him in there!

    Also, I appreciate the differences in sleeping habits. My husband is like your husband- he can fall asleep within seconds of closing his eyes. When I have trouble going to sleep, it’s even harder because I start to get jealous and frustrated that he is able to sleep. 🙂

    • There is something to be said I think for a smaller bed. We have a king. I do loose him there sometimes. I think as long as we are able to make up cuddle time outside of bed different sleep habits can work out okay. Thank you so much for sharing and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.

  4. Glad I’m not the only one. The minute my husband falls asleep I untangle us. I imagine an invisable line and it drives me crazy when he creeps onto my side of the bed. In the winter we don’t even share the blankets, he likes to roll up like a burrito.

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